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All I Am Left With
On my last day in the hospital, they told me to take everything and anything I wanted. The adoption worker seemed pleased that she had coerced the nurse into allowing me to steal/take items from the...
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My Name Is Birthmother
It’s one thing to say that you are going to talk openly about a situation that was excruciating for you, and even still is to a certain degree. It is, however, a whole different scenario to actually do...
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When Your Voice Is Deemed Irrelevant
Often adoptees are heard saying that they feel discredited by the system, that there is very little room for them at the proverbial adoption table. From the issue with Original Birth Certificates, to...
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A Seat At The Table
I walked up to the adoption table expecting that there would be more. More what? More people? More bloggers? More birthmothers? I don’t know. I cautiously asked to join, and took my seat. They talked...
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When There Is Nothing To Be Done
Who would I be, right now, right this very second, if I didn’t have the veil of adoption wrapped around me? Would I have three children, a husband, two dogs? It’s not likely. Would I be living in this...
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In The Morning
My heart beats a little slower, as I draw in a breath of crisp summer morning air. My green mug holds the steaming cup of coffee, freshly brewed and I do my very best to wait patiently for it to cool...
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We Are One And The Same
I call to her in the darkness, and I can hear whimper softly. “Come to me”, I beckon. Silence envelopes me as I hold my hands out in front of me feeling through the darkness in this cave like home. “I...
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Watch The Clock
If I could have heard the seconds ticking on the clock, they would have sounded like a blast of dynamite going off with each passing moment. Only in my days at school had I ever been so desperately...
View ArticleDear Kiddo: Baby Veronica and You
Dear Kiddo, I’ve been following this Baby Veronica case with much interest, and of course, it’s led me to think of you more often. What if that had been us? I’ll be perfectly honest, I wasn’t...
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Omitted
As the kids were outside shrieking in delight from the water fight they were having, I was sitting at the kitchen table in my parent’s house helping my Mom organize the mess that had happened in her...
View ArticleJust The Birthmother
To Whom It May Concern: It’s been over six months since we had our interaction that led to the closing of this adoption. It’s not to say that I haven’t thought of you much over the last six months. If...
View ArticleDear Kiddo: School Started…
Dear Kiddo, My heart is quite heavy lately. I realize that it’s been over six months since I was in communication with your Mom and Dad, which means it’s been just as long since I heard about you. You...
View ArticleWhen You Have Nothing
” I think The Kiddo goes to that school, too” I texted. Then I stopped to think for a moment. My best friend dropping her son off for school could mean a casual passing by of The Kiddo. She would be...
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Return To Me
Today, I send my eldest parented child to kindergarten. Today, I send a huge piece of my heart into the world, and hope to all hell that it doesn’t chew it up, and spit out. I want that world to be...
View ArticleThe Curse of Time
With my son’s venture into school, I’ve spent the majority my days passing time by sleeping, or mindlessly wandering my house. I’ve avoided any writing whatsoever, because I don’t want to see what my...
View ArticleDear Kiddo: Thankful
Dear Kiddo, It’s Thanksgiving, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things I am grateful for. Of course, you came to mind. I know that things with this adoption are exceptionally messy right...
View ArticleWhen Open Adoption Goes Wrong
I realized earlier this week that I had not signed up for the Open Adoption Bloggers Interview Project this year. For a moment, I felt a twinge of sadness, but then realized: I’m not an open adoption...
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Foreordained
The news that they were pregnant was still looming over me. I couldn’t turn a corner without thinking things like, “I thought they were the right family,” or “They can’t have two kids that close in...
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The Season of My Adoption
The snow has blanketed the area, leaving this calm, peaceful feeling in the air. Another year has gone by, another season has passed. And it seems that with each season, I’m not much closer to knowing...
View ArticleThe Story Hasn’t Ended
This isn’t the way that the story was supposed to play out. They told me that I would hate you. That you would disappear from my life, and I would likely never see you again. They told me that you were...
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