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They Should Have Behaved Better

  So many times I’ve wondered what I could have done to make this adoption experience have a different ending. I know it’s not The End, but it’s a chapter that has closed. One that I never thought...

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The Downfall of Hope

“I’ve never known Mother’s Day without grief. I’ll never know it without grief. I would love to celebrate it, enjoy it, and feel the joy that everyone else seems to feel on this day. I want that. I...

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The Open Adoption House

Imagine a house. On the outside, the grass is green, maybe there is a white picket fence. It looks serene, and picturesque. You want to live in that house, because it’s just so perfect. People keep...

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Silence No More

Last year, as we sat on their back deck, chatting casually about their home, the discussion turned to some of The Kiddo’s less than favorable traits.  His adoptive mother said that she knew I didn’t...

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Dear Kiddo: You Should Know

Dear Kiddo, My kids are starting to smirk at me when I’m repeating myself this week. They don’t know that I need to say what I am saying to them, over and over again because I need them to hear me....

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I’d Tell Her What I Know

In a universe, ten years ago, she’s about to embark on the week that will forever be burned into her memory. She’ll remember every sound, almost every sight, and she’ll never forget that moment. The...

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Never The Same

They don’t tell you how much this experience changes you. In fact, you don’t even notice or acknowledge it for years. I want to believe that they simply don’t know; Perhaps the reason they couldn’t...

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If You Hate Me, I’ll Understand

Image Credit to Danny Q-DJah The last night I spent in the hospital, I barely slept. It wasn’t for a lack of needing or wanting. Quite simply, as the time on the clock marched on, I felt the oxygen in...

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Their Reality Will Unravel

I’d wonder, ever so briefly, if The Kiddo’s adoptive parents would reach out for his tenth birthday. Would they say something? Try to fix the impasse in our relationship? Would they offer me any...

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I Hear You

Image Credit to MeddyGarnet There’s always this weariness that comes with finding new medical professionals. Since my PTSD was triggered, I have found a way to surround myself with supports that I...

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Dear Kiddo: Was It For The Best?

Dear Kiddo, I almost wrote to you on your birthday, but I decided that the day might be too overwhelming for you. This year, I didn’t struggle nearly as much as I have in the past. I suspect that means...

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An Addict Of Sorts

I’ve heard it many times. So many times that I’ve lost count of how many people, friends, medical professionals, strangers, close family, and my dogs have said it. Maybe it’s my rebellious spirit that...

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Will You Do The Right Thing?

I’d left the office, my eyes swollen from crying. The wind whipped me in the face, and I drew a quick breath in before trying to regain my composure and figure out my next move. Desperately, I wanted...

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Dear Kiddo: I’ll Never Stop Looking

Dear Kiddo, It was Canada Day, and I thought I saw you in the many faces of the crowd at the celebration we were at as a family. I knew it wasn’t likely to be you, but I still stopped, and did a double...

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The Smoking Gun

Brit wrote to me on this post and said: “Wow you make it seem like they had a gun to your head & said place your child up for adoption or else!…” No, there was no gun to my head, literally....

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Crowd-sourcing For Adoption

A new trend has emerged in the adoption community. Much like the Kickstarter campaigns that we see to help fund projects, we are seeing more and more potential adopting couples setting out to campaign...

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Loans For Adopting Babies: Is It Ethical?

A loan for a car. A loan for a house. A loan for furniture. For school. For business opportunities. For adoption?  It was argued on this  post about crowd-sourcing that loans are a dime a dozen, and...

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Dear Kiddo: Holding On

Dear Kiddo, It’s the early morning here, and I’m wide awake sipping my tea. Earlier, I went for a drive down the road to the hospital you were born, and was shocked at how much had changed, even just...

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Do I Hate Adoption?

It was the summer after I found out about The Kiddo’s supposed diagnosis. The Hubby and I were running errands, and I found myself whisked off into my own internal thoughts about The Kiddo, about...

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Propose Or Nothing

As we walked along the canyon, my anger seethed inside. Didn’t he get what I wanted? Didn’t he understand that I just wanted him to propose, so I could leave that city behind, so that I could start...

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